Stock image of a bride and bridesmaids holding flowers.Photo:Mint Images/Getty
Mint Images/Getty
A soon-to-be bride is looking for advice online after her fiancée picked someone who is “often hostile” toward her to be a bridesmaid at their wedding this year.
In a post onReddit’s “Am I the A——?” forum, a woman wrote that she was “currently planning” her wedding to her 26-year-old fiancée, who she called Lola, after having booked their venue, set up its reception and made an effort to “steer away from the traditional wedding” as a lesbian couple. For the festivities, the pair plan on having “one small wedding party of bridesmaids,” featuring six of their best friends, including the Reddit user’s twin sister.
The Reddit user has run into a problem, however, with Lola’s close friend Maia — who Lola has been friends with since they were teenagers and has remained “pretty close” with in the years since.
Stock image of a bride and bridesmaids holding flowers.Getty
Getty
“She came home from seeing Maia and told me she was gonna be a bridesmaid and we had a big argument because she didn’t ask me first, and she knows that I’m not close to Maia and that she makes me kinda uncomfortable,” the Reddit user wrote. “She said that I should accept Maia being part of the wedding because they’re childhood friends and that it’s only fair considering my sister is a bridesmaid.”
“She refused to uninvite Maia, so I have left her in charge of sorting which friends are in each wedding party, which she thinks is unfair,” the Reddit user wrote, before asking if she was the “a——” in the situation.
Stock image of a bride and bridesmaids holding flowers.madisonwi/Getty
madisonwi/Getty
After another Reddit user asked the bride-to-be if splitting the bridesmaids would “actually achieve anything,” she confirmed that it would lead to the couple to “probably” not “seeing much of the other half of our friend group” during the day. “It’s a bad situation all round as Lola now has to pick and choose between our friends who we’re equally close with which sucks,” she wrote. “But yeah, it is my way of taking a stand.”
Ultimately, other commenters appeared to agree that the Reddit user was “not the a——” in the situation, with one reiterating that Lola “quietly asked someone else” to be a bridesmaid “without talking to you.”
“It seems like she purposefully went about it this way to take the question off the table or to remove your opportunity to object, which is uncool,” they wrote.
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While the commenter wrote that “the bride and groom would each choose their attendants and probably would not expect to ‘veto’ one another’s selections” in a “traditional, hetero” wedding, it would still be “problematic” to pick someone who is “actively hostile” toward your partner.
The user continued, “To me, your fiancée should be putting your comfort above her desire to have Maia in this honored position, but if she was communicating to you about it more, you might have come to feel comfortable with it.”
Other users felt similarly, with one writing that it is “very weird to ask someone to be a part of a wedding that your future spouse doesn’t get along with.”
source: people.com
